The Story of El Gringo

Hola Amigos! Gringo aqui. So you wan my story, eh? Well, you see, I used to live in Ensenada, Mexico. That is where I was “found”. I had no home, but the nice women and the childrens would give me foods. The hombres, though, you gotta watch out. Those mens run me off and be mean to me. So there I was in Mexico and I had no home really. I just lived in the streets and I ate little birds. I am berry good at catching the little birds, that is mucho exciting, let me tell you! So these pipple in Mexico tried to take care of me. Wan nice lady even let me in her casa. But I ate her bird in the cage and she made me leave…So then these other pipple took me in. They like me mucho but they no let me inside. So I be sleeping in the mud. And then the fence was not so small so I could squeeze out anytime and go my own way. It was not berry safe I quess, but I didn’t mind so much. Then these pipple grown up son and his wife from the USA came to visit and this wife, Sandra, she feels berry sorry for me because I was berry skinny and look horrible she says. So Sandra talks her husband into bringing me to USA with them.

Next thing, Sandra takes me to thees place called the “bet” and they shave my face all around my eyes because I have so many boogers there. Except for that and being so skinny, the bet says I am healthy. Already I feel better because these nice pipple have kids. Kids I like — they always carry me around and feed me stuff. Me… I like to be carry, it makes me relax! Don ask me why.

Then Sandra wants to take me to a groomer to fix me to look good. But she is afraid some groomer will shave all my hairs off and make me look skinny and ugly. So she finds this ad in the jello pages for “Transformation Pet Health Center” whish says “Matted dogs and cats a specialty.” She calls the lady, but aye yi yi, this lady wans mucho dinero to fix me. Sandra no has this kind of money for thees project. She tells the lady the story about Mexico and the lady says, “why don’t you just let me do him, we’ll forget about the money.” Sandra takes me to the Transformation place and that lady, Barbara, spend half a day and fix me good. I was berry patient, cause I didn’t want to get put out in the street or something.

Well Sandra loved me and her kids did too, but she had this old old schnauzer dog that I did not love so much. Why she need this old thing when now she has me? I boss that dog alot and he got real uncomfortable. Just when that old schnauzer was about to leave home or up and die, Sandra calls the groomer lady and is crying. “It’s not working out”, she sobs, “can you help me find another home for this little dog.” I could not believe my ears… I felt so bad I licked Sandra’s tears and that made her cry more and more.

So they take me to Transformation again. This time everybody crying. By the end of the day the Transformation lady she wants me herself. So now I came to live with Mamacita Barbara. Next day she takes me to be “neutered”. What a price to pay for the USA!

One more part to this story: Sandra’s husband is Jorge, who is a holistic doctor, berry berry good. Jorge helps my new Mama Barbara with accupuncture treatments and good advice about her health which is not so great. And he never charges her any $$ because she gives that old schnauzer a nice haircut all the time.

Let me tell jou one more thing about the pipple who come to the salon. Some of them wear watches so beeg and shiny I cannot stop looking at them. One shiny man with a small schnauzer had a watch that said R.O.L.E.X on the face. I was sure of it — it was a fake rolex. I told Mamacita, and she laughed. “Gringo, some of the replicas are so good that even the pipple who make the real ones get confused.” She said she keeps a page she sends the curious pipple to, and it explained everything, and then some. Ay, I still do not trust the shiny man.

In Mexico, my name was “Chikis” whish means “little guy”. But my friend on the Internet, Donna Cleverdon, who is berry intellihente, said “Call him Gringo”. “Gringo” in Mexico means “white guy” (from USA). So now I am a “Gringo”. All you groomers are mis amigos, because you mean so much to mi mamacita. She loves you, so I do too.

Your friend,
Gringo.