The Theeng

Hola Amigos! I wan to share with jou about the excitement I had Saturday night when THE THEENG came into our house. Jou see, mi mamacita came home from work berry tired (the poor woman, she works too hard at thees grooming she does) and she fell asleep on the bed with the lights still on in the kitchen. I always sleep next to Mamacita on the bed because it ees my rightful place beside the Goddess. Our chow chow, ShebaLu, she sleeps near the front door on the kitchen tile because it ees more cool for her there and she can bark at everything in the front of the house, especially when the tenants that live in the other part of the house come and go. She always woofles at them, so I don pay much attention to her.

Saturday night, in the meedle of the night, ShebaLu started barking different. “Look! Look!” she barked. She sounded berry worried, so I got up and went to see. On the kitchen floor, I saw it. Eet was THE THEENG. It was crawling on the floor and it was UGLY and BIG. “Stop! Stop!”, I barked. I did not want theese theeng to go into the bedroom and hurt Our Lady. Amigos, it was fearless. It was not afraid of anything, I jumped at it even, and it did not stop. I shouted and shouted until the mamacita woke up. She knows I never bark unless there is real danger.

Just as She got up and came to the kitchen, THE THEENG slipped under the refrigerator. Then I saw the OTHER THEENG, which was about the same size and also ugly. I continued to shout, “GET OUT OF HERE YOU THEENG.” Mamacita, the Goddess, came out and looked. “What is that?” she asked. “KILL IT!”, I shouted. I jumped at eet, and nothing happened. This second theeng was also fearless. She stared at the theeng for a minute and then she got her glasses to get a better look. I thought she should put on her shoes, but she was very brave in her bare feet. She looked again at the second theeng.

“Gringo, Honey (she calls me ‘Honey’), this is nothing but a fur ball from ShebaLu.” “You are so cute, my brave little boy. Thank you for protecting me from the vicious fur ball.” She picked the theeng up and put it in the trash. Then she laughed and hugged me. Ay, Amigos, I was not amuzed. So I made a leedle mistaken identification on that one, I knew there was still danger and I would not go back to bed with Mamacita. I continued to bark at the refrigerator. Now she got angry with me. “You stop that barking and come to bed,” she said as she returned to the kitchen. Just then THE THEENG crawled out to the floor in full view. “EEEK!” screamed The Woman-I-Love. “That’s the biggest beetle I have ever seen!” “KILL IT” she yelled, “YOU KEEL IT!” I shouted back. My Brave Woman grabbed a big wad of paper towels and grabbed up THE THEENG and flung it out the front door. The front porch cats were delighted. They are ready to hunt even in the meedle of the night.

Amigos, I tell jou, I still could not go back to bed, I was so exhausted from the battle. I had to lie on the cool tile for maybe a whole hour to stop breathing so fast. Thees was a family event. Muchas gracias to our Chow Chow for alerting me, El Gringo, to the danger so I could protect Our Lady from the dangerous beetle theeng. And thees woman, she is like Xena the Warrior Princess, picking that THEENG up with only a few hundred paper towels. What a night!

Ah, and one more. After all the EEEKing, I noticed Our Lady still had her shiny watch on the whole time. I have been thinking about it since, and I decided it must be a replica watch — a very good one. Mamacita said the watch is real, but that when someone asks her about theirs, she sends them to a certain reference on the internet so they can see for themselves. Thees pipple who write about the replica watch business, she says. I did not go looking. I have enough dangerous things to know about.

El Gringo de Tucson